When I Rule the World


1. Everyone will have a British accent, because it's so much easier to sound clever that way. 2. Saint Cappy's day will be a universal holiday. No big deal. 3. No one will ask me if I feel like a plastic bag. Because I do. Sometimes I have to swallow a rock just so I... Continue Reading →

You’re Afraid


Today, I noticed someone was sent to my blog by Google (ohhh Google, you're almost as weird as me) with the search "I'm afraid my tall strong wife beats me." First, I want to find this person and give him a cuddle. Then I want to ask if he means "I'm afraid! My tall strong... Continue Reading →

Outside My Window, Something Seranades Me


  Dear weird owlet/cat/small child outside my window, First of all, what are you? You are making a strange squealing/squeaking/(dare I say) burping noise that I can't properly identify you by. This species ambiguity is freaking me out. Also, why must you make this noise outside my window? Like...RIGHT outside my window? Every single night this week,... Continue Reading →

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