Henrietta


I'd never liked antiquing before -- my mother half-dragging me around rooms full of musty nonsense that nobody wanted, my feet tired, my nose stinging a little from all that dust and "history." History in quotes, of course, because much of it seems to be weird plastic crap from the 1970s that got tossed out... Continue Reading →

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Greetings


Dear Friends, It’s Christmas time again, and with each passing day comes mounting anticipation for my latest novel, “Kristen Wiig Ate My Cake,” which comes out December 25. After the wild success of my autobiography (entitled “Saving Orphaned Ladybugs, and Other Things I Did In College”), my publishers wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I was... Continue Reading →

Outside My Window, Something Seranades Me


  Dear weird owlet/cat/small child outside my window, First of all, what are you? You are making a strange squealing/squeaking/(dare I say) burping noise that I can't properly identify you by. This species ambiguity is freaking me out. Also, why must you make this noise outside my window? Like...RIGHT outside my window? Every single night this week,... Continue Reading →

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