I Should’ve Been British


I don’t remember the first time I ever heard a British accent, but I imitated it from then on. Some of you may remember that I had an imaginary friend — Annie — for quite a long time (some may say an inordinate amount of time, but I think it’s pretty normal for a girl living in the middle of nowhere to have an imaginary friend until the age of 12). Anyway, Annie and I spoke to each other in a British accent even though I was president of the United States…there was a complex storyline to my imaginary friend(s) and our daily mischief.

I might’ve first heard it from the BBC, either on the radio or television, because my parents kept Public Radio and Television on often as a source of news. Maybe it was first from a woman at our church who had an very strong accent despite having been in America for years and years. Maybe it was from Rumpole or Fawlty Towers. Either way, I heard the magical noise of Brits and there was no turning back. Since then, I become incredibly attached to British media — almost all my favorite books and television shows are from the UK, and I plan to study abroad in England or Ireland or Scotland (hey, it’s hard to pick, ok?) over the summer. And since my soul is patterned like a Union Flag (only called a Union Jack when it’s flown at sea, kids), I figure I’ll tell you about the lovely British things I have enjoyed throughout the years (the list is long, but you should at least watch the videos, as they’re fantastic):

1. Harry Potter: Obviously. The books are better than the movies (again, obviously), but not by much. J.K. Rowling is an inspiration to me as a writer, and generally as a kind human being who loves what she does. Plus, magic!

2. The Hobbit: I’m pretty sure I made my dad read it to me at least 5 times as a kid. I love it I love it I love it. And I even love the movie, even though it adds dumb things and everything is CGI and it’s not as great as the original LOTR movies were. I still love it because HOBBITS.

3. Fawlty Towers: Don’t mention the war! I discovered John Cleese through this show, as it was constantly on marathon during pledge drives on my local PBS station. There should be more people named Basil and Sybil, braying laughing and bumbling about with concussions. And even though Manuel’s character is probably insensitive/offensive to Hispanic people everywhere, he’s so lovely and stupid that I can’t help but laugh when he yells “MANAHERRR.” Come back to me, lovely British imbeciles. “I’m tho thorry I’ve made a mithtake!”

4. The Confessions of Georgia Nicolson: This book series shaped my adolescence in so many ways it’s kind of disgusting. I don’t act like normal Americans because I’ve gotten too used to saying “twit” and doing the “viking hornpipe dance” which I only break out on special occasions. Louise Rennison is my comedy soul animal and I love her, partially because she has a huge nose and I used to think I did (I think my head grew into my nose a few years ago…), but partially because she has no filter and doesn’t mind acting like a loon. I accidentally say things like “why in the name of Gandalf’s burning bra” and other nonsense, and people think I’m crazy but really…well, yeah, I’m crazy. But also awesome?

5. The IT Crowd: There is so much to say and so little space to say it in. Basically, this is one of the most brilliantly written, hilarious shows on all of television. Remember Officer Rhodes from Bridesmaids? Chris O’Dowd? Yeah, I had a crush on him before you did. He. Is. Mine. I watched him be all greasy and weird in a basement as an IT guy for years before he got all…yummy and whatnot. So I feel it is my right to claim ownership of him and tell you to back off. Besides, Richard Ayoade is the most hilariously dry comedian ever, and he’s got a side part in his fro. What’s not to love?

6. All the British (and Irish) standup: Dara O’Briain, Russell Howard, Sarah Millican, Chris Addison, Ed Byrne, David Mitchell, Michael McIntyre. Russell Brand. Look them up. I love them all so very much. So very very much. Also, there’s almost no one funnier on Twitter than Dara O’Briain, that saucy Irishman.

7. All the British panel shows: Mock The Week (favorite ever). Big Fat Quiz of the Year. Never Mind the Buzzcocks. 8 Out of 10 Cats. QI. Just look them up! Your life will be enriched, even if maybe you will never be productive again.

8. MI-5: If you don’t love Zaf we can’t be friends. Also, it’s just brilliant and makes me want to become a spy. But not really at all because…guns. It’s just nice that it seems a little more realistic than most American shows about cops and the CIA and whatnot. Also, Lucas North (gorgeous spy, gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous) is played by the actor who plays Thorin in The Hobbit. It was a bit disconcerting at first, but I loved it very quickly.

9. Rumpole of the Bailey: There’s nothing better than a sassy barrister who quotes Wordsworth, smokes cheroots, drinks cheap wine, and calls his wife “She Who Must Not Be Named” (behind her back, of course).

10. Music: Rizzle Kicks, Kate Bush, Lily Allen, Kate Nash, example, Lady Sovereign, Jessie J. Plus The Beatles (GEORGE), The Rolling Stones, The Moody Blues… just assume that if they’re British and good that I love them. See below for a combination of several of my favorite things (Lily Allen, Russell Brand, Big Fat Quiz, and a touch of Noel Fielding). See below below for another combo (Noel Fielding pretending to be Kate Bush).

Hooray!

There are probably more (SKINS!), but dang that’s a lot. Anyway, enjoy all the lovely things I love. And if you happen to have any suggestions, please comment below! Cheers!

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My Whole Body Aches


I went on a long bike ride today, and whenever I ride I have a lot of time to think. About the meaning of life, about new blog posts I could write, about what I wanna do with myself in the future…about how much my butt hurts… Today, I thought about all those things, in between riding past creeks and llamas (I’m not kidding), and I was really excited to write about it all when I got home. But. Y’all, I hurt. In the best way, of course, like when all your muscles feel like lead but it’s okay because it means you didn’t die halfway into the ride. Nope, here you are, aching like all hell, but knowing you finished that ride like a champ.

Anyway, I was gonna write about all that. But now I’m not. Because my brain fell out along the ride and I have to go get it in the morning. So instead, I thought I’d give you a list of books I’ve read recently and just say, “These are great, read them, take my word for it, read them.”

1. The Yard: So good! About Victorian London after the Jack the Ripper murders. This book was perfect for me because I’m super into serial killers (not to date, obviously…to psychoanalyze because I’m a psych major, duh!) and super into London, and it was so gripping and full of depth. The next book comes out tomorrow, and I can just about guarantee I will read the whole thing in two days.

2. A Midsummer Tights Dream: Okay, so this one is for 15 year old girls. But the author, Louise Rennison, wrote my favorite series (The Confessions of Georgia Nicolson) and it is absolutely hilarious. This one is the second in a new series about a girl named Tallulah who goes to Scotland to attend a crazy performing arts school and gets up to all sorts of antics (most involving her knees and owls). It’s a quick, light read for anyone with the sense of humor of a 16 year old girl trapped in a 62 year old’s body.

3. The Bhagavad Gita: This is the holy text of Hinduism, basically. Not exactly a light read, as I get through about 5 pages every time I sit down. But the reason for that isn’t that it’s boring, it’s that it is possibly the most thought provoking thing I’ve ever read. As of now, about 30 pages in, I’ve contemplated my existence and my soul and questioned about 40% of everything I knew to be true. I’d say that’s pretty good. I suggest the translation by Stephen Mitchell, as it’s really easy to read and is rated really well through Barnes and Noble as one of the truest translations.

4. The Name of the Star: This one’s by Maureen Johnson and I’m only 15 pages in but I’m already totally hooked. Surprise surprise, it’s also about the Jack the Ripper murders, but this time about a copycat murderer that only one girl can see. I have no idea what the hell is happening yet, but I love everything Maureen Johnson has written so I assume I’ll love this too. (Try Devilish – it’s a great read.)

Ok…I’m about to die, and honestly can’t think of any other books I’ve read recently at the moment anyway. I’ve got The Psychopath Test and The Skull Mantra on my bookshelf waiting for me, so I’ll let you know about those soon.

Love you, my muffins. Sleep tight :)

P.S. We should start a book club…anyone in?