Free to Be You and Me…Until You’re Uncomfortable?


I’ve noticed that people tend to be all aboard the gay rights train until their kid or friend or coworker comes out to them. For whatever reason, we can theoretically accept strangers for who they are but are unwilling to tell loved ones that they’re still important to us and that we love every bit of them, even the gay bits. I can guarantee there are several sociological studies on this phenomenon, and I’d be interested in seeing WHY we do this to each other.

It’s fucked up, y’all. Sorry, but I have to say it. Also, I’m definitely not sorry. Nope.

Denying people the right to come out to you is not-so-subtly implying that you disapprove of who they really are. It means you’re scared of the truth, that you’re unwilling to let them live a happy and full life, that you’re being willfully ignorant.

People also tend to be very accepting of gays until you tell them you’re bi. At that point, they tend to act like you simply like to slut it up with both genders, or they ask you if maybe you’re just going through a phase.

Yes…I’m going through a phase that has lasted my entire life. Look, I knew I was bi before I knew that being bi was a real thing. I knew I liked both women and men when I was five years old. If five-year-old Cappy knew, then 22-year-old Cappy knows, and 99-year-old Cappy will still definitely be on that bi train screaming “choo choo” at the top of her lungs. You know, to carry on with this weird train metaphor that I started at the beginning of this post.

I don’t have a whole lot of openly bi role models. Bi people tend to be pushed to the wayside because we’re not “fully straight” but often aren’t classified as gay either, so it puts us in this weird limbo where nobody wants to accept us as part of their group. The governor of Oregon is an openly bi woman, which means a lot to me. It’s nice to see bi people doing amazing things with their lives regardless of the fact that they’re majorly discriminated against by several large groups. I remember she got criticized about being openly bi, though, because people said that wasn’t an important factor in her identity so they didn’t feel she should be open about it.

While I understand that people say these things in an attempt to be accepting (“I’m so accepting that I don’t even want to know if you’re gay or straight”), they are actually being discriminatory. Nobody says that to straight people. If we can’t be out as gay or bi or trans or whatever we really are, then we likely cannot date openly or share this big part of ourselves with friends and family. It encourages people to stay closeted, feeling like they’re living a lie and experiencing huge mental stress. Saying there’s no reason for people to come out is like saying you don’t care about them, because you would extinguish a huge part of their identity. It’s selfish and wrong to expect sexual minorities to just shut up, put their head down, and go about life as if they were straight or cis het.

Basically, the rule of thumb should be this: are people letting the straight people do it? Marriage, dating openly, having sex, talking about their sexuality…we’re letting the straight people do it, so we should let gay and bi and pan and trans and all the people do it. And for goodness sake…when someone comes out to you, don’t push your insecurities onto them. Tell them you love them. Tell them they should be open and wild and free with their gayness. And if you’re feeling uncomfortable with all of it, talk to someone! There are like…500000000 online forums and information centers for you. We want you to be comfortable, too. Just not at our expense.

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NOT UNTIL THE PENGUINS CAN


imagesIn 2004, a male pair of chinstrap penguins hatched an egg they had been given to incubate at the Central Park Zoo. They adopted a baby, y’all! They helped that little penguito hatch like proper parents! Since then, at least 20 homosexual penguins have been recorded in Japan, and….well, basically, without giving you a list of all of them, there have been quite a few instances of homosexual penguins at zoos. And probably in the wild, but Wikipedia isn’t exactly that great of a resource.

But here’s a question that just begs to be asked: Have you seen any gay penguins get married? No. They’re all dressed up in their tuxes, practically begging for a classy wedding, and what do we do? We call them “life partners,” say they’re cute, but we don’t give them the rights they deserve. We don’t let them squawk their vows before an arctic fox priest says, “You may now peck the bride/groom/penguin.” We don’t let them have a reception and throw bouquets at other macaroni penguins, or cut the cake with their short little wing-flipper things.

Until Buddy and Pedro can tie the knot and waddle down the aisle together, I will remain unmarried. I won’t do it until the gay penguins can.

“But Cappy,” you ask, “is this just your excuse for dying sad and alone surrounded by 12 cats?” Yes, dear muffins, it is. It is mostly an excuse because I live in a house full of girls and don’t tend to meet the fellas too much. But it is also a fight for penguin marriage equality!

I urge you to follow in my footsteps. Do it for Mac and Roni, the macaroni penguins who just want to show the world their love. Do it for America. Do it for equality! DO IT FOR CUTE LITTLE TUXEDOED BIRDS EVERYWHERE!

Special thanks to my Clean Sister Alaina for being the first one to shout, “NOT UNTIL THE PENGUINS CAN!”

It’s a Beautiful Night


Says it all.

I know I’ve kept my political opinion to myself been extremely obnoxious about the election lately, but I can’t help myself…so many good things happened tonight!

Obama won, which is great news for women, gays, minorities, the poor, the sick…and whites, men, straight people, the rich and the healthy as well. It’s not a win for just one group, though I believe that Romney in the White House would’ve posed some serious threats to those first groups I listed. The man is brilliant, and his acceptance speech nearly moved me to tears. I remember crying with happiness 4 years ago with my family, proud that we’d elected him and so full of hope. While those feelings aren’t as raw as they were then, I still feel hopeful about Obama moving our country forward.

And I feel proud of myself, if I do say so, for helping get out the vote, informing friends about where they could turn their ballots in, being involved in the campaign for marriage equality, and voting with an open, educated mind. So cheers to me! everyone who went out there and did their civic duty!

Oh, and one more thing: Washington State looks like it’s gonna pass Ref. 74, which would legalize same-sex marriage in the state, to which I say, “FINALLY.” At this point, its approval is ahead by 4%, but I’m cautious in declaring victory just yet!
Amidst all the celebration, I can’t help thinking of the people around the state waiting anxiously to find out if other people are going to allow them to have the same rights as everyone else. It’s incredibly sad, and shouldn’t have to be this way. But, as it is, and this is reality where everything can’t go the way it ought to, I’m very proud of my state for creating this legislation and doing the right thing. Fingers crossed that by morning we’ll have something spectacular to celebrate!

Update! Washington has indeed passed Ref 74, and same-sex couples will be able to marry as of December 6. Cheers :)