Dead Bodies on a Plane


So, I’ve written a lot of posts lately about my experiences on planes, traveling, etc. Usually, the more a blogger writes about something, the more hilariously specific spam posts and google searches they receive. (For those of you who don’t know, there is a feature on WordPress that allows bloggers to find out what Google searches lead people to their blog. Mine is most often “cats.”)

Anyway, I’ve gotten some ridiculous ones lately. Behold:

The bodies were not discovered by the police until five hours after the plane took off. 
That is probably the most hilarious sentence I have ever, ever, ever seen as a comment on my blog. Ever. I laughed, I cried, I laughed so hard I cried…and then I wondered if that had really happened. If, maybe, several dead people had somehow gotten onto a plane, gotten themselves buckled in, asked the flight attendant for a complimentary warm towel, and then just sat there and waited patiently for the police to discover them.
Of course, I do not subscribe to the notion that the bodies were alive when they boarded the plane. No, no. They must’ve been dead the whole time. But they weren’t zombies…
This is the way my brain works, kids. It makes up weird scenarios that seem more like they should’ve been in a short story I read in middle school.

And then I realized it’s been a long time since I’ve told y’all about the wonderful things people Google to get here:

how to make a bitch fall in love with you – Well, first you stop calling her a bitch, and then you buy her cupcakes.

make him yearn for you – YES. Make him yearn for you by being saucy and full of oomph and zizz and yowza.

inside a black hole – If you’ve ever been there, you must let me know what it’s like. Because that is the way I want to die…getting stretched to oblivion by a black hole.

why isn’t barney on tv anymore? – I don’t really know, my friend. It’s a tragedy and also possibly a travesty, and I personally cry every night wishing that Barney was still in my life.

tiny timmy tokyo – SMALL JAPANESE CHILD YES! Also, this phrase is from a video on youtube from people who do “bad lip readings” of pop songs. This particular gem is from Miley Cyrus’ Party in the USA. Enjoy.

Goodnight.

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Yoga Breath


Let’s all take a deeeeeeeep breath in…and exhale…and in…and exhale…good.

CALM DOWN ABOUT EVERYTHING ALREADY.

I promise everything’s gonna be fine. She’s gonna love you someday, you’re gonna get into college, you won’t fail that test, you’re not gonna die, and no, nobody hates you.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we stress over relationships and life and everything constantly? Just enjoy it. If you have a problem, fix it. If it’s completely unfixable, then let it slide. I don’t always live by these words, but I swear I try to every day.

So take a deep breath, sit back, relax, and watch a few funny videos:


Lemme Smang It – I love the Wild Thornberrys reference…takes me back to my youth. “You don’t wanna get a cooch contusion….” I think the best part is how unenthusiastic the girl looks the whole time…I’d like to thank Kenley for bringing this into my life.


Honey Badger! – I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks. Thank you LaKecia, you have made my life worth living…


Top That! (The name of the video offends me, but I love it anyway) – From the movie “Teen Witch” from the dark ages…I love his outfit and this song. I want this to happen in real life. To me. Right now. “Look at how funky he is!” You can say that again, sister.


Black Umbrella – I love this song. Not gonna lie, Miley Cyrus is pretty hot, and this song “interpretation” makes it better cuz her talent doesn’t suck…
“Tiny Timmy Tokyo…and I’m pregnant.” Their BeeGees and Luda song “Magic Man” makes me really happy too, so y’all should look that up.


Nickelodeon After Dark… I probably shouldn’t think this is funny. But it IS. They’re in their Full House clothes and then…”I like rubbing.”