A Few Fuck-Yous…


...Brought to you by international air and train travel. 1. Fuck you for wearing your skunk perfume on a plane (also on the train...I'm looking at you, passengers of renfe who showered in old man cologne). I'm glad you're making an effort to smell good but we're all hurtling through the sky in a coke... Continue Reading →

November 9, 2016


You may have noticed that uh...my country has made a terrible decision. The fact that Donald Trump is the president elect made it hard to get out of bed this morning. Just existing today has been a struggle for so many of us; I'm afraid and angry and sad and disappointed and horrified. And the... Continue Reading →

I Gots Opinions


Blogging three times this week may be breaking my record for the year. I miss you guys, and I really hope you missed me, because without you I'm just typing to myself while shivering because this apartment is so damn cold...and that's just depressing. So hi! I love you all, and I'm really trying to get back... Continue Reading →

I Have a Few Issues With Bathrooms


Bathrooms should be sanctuaries. Sanctuaries where we poo. But lately I've been noticing a lot of issues with these supposed "tranquil" areas.1. Why does the bathroom stall door open inward? Because when I'm on campus, wearing a backpack and a huge coat (it hath snowed, everyone), I already barely fit in the stall while the... Continue Reading →

Technology Does Weird Things to Me


When I say that, I don't mean I've been operated on by mutant robots (my appointment isn't until Friday, and they say I should make a full recovery, but I'll definitely have a bionic arm. Hopefully it doesn't turn against me). I do mean that the interwebs and iPhones and whatnot make me do and... Continue Reading →

Fingerless Gloves and Other Pointless Things


I'm all for looking awesome, but sometimes I wonder why looking awesome has recently come at the expense of wearing useless things. The fingerless gloves have got to go. Honestly. Unless you're homeless or happen to need them in order to properly be a mechanic or something, you should be ashamed of yourself for wearing... Continue Reading →

Double-Talk (Part 2)


What they say: I like your outfit, you look really comfy. What they mean: You look like a slob; my goodness, couldn't you have at least tried this morning?! What they say: You always have the cutest clothes! I swear, they'd look bad on anyone else but you! What they mean: Those clothes look bad... Continue Reading →

America’s Ass


America's ass is too big for its gigantic pantaloons. Examples: Michelle Bachmann: You were worried about Bill Clinton being too big of an influence on Hilary? Please. Bachmann said, in front of a church congregation, that she studied tax law because her husband wanted her to and it was her job to obey him. Vomit. Government... Continue Reading →

No, Up YOURS.


Here's a question: Why do fitness clubs have to find the most obnoxious "slogans" imaginable and then print them on a t-shirt? It's getting a little annoying. I was walking behind two guys in the hall today. They'd come from the direction of the gym (I later realized I recognized one of them as someone... Continue Reading →

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