Let me preface this by saying that 1. I like T-Swift and 2. What the heck happened in this music video?
Follow along with the video! It’ll be like a PBS show, or one of those sing-along videos with Mickey’s head bouncing on top of the words!
0:08: Ok, good, I like your lipstick, how do you get it to look so perfect? Seriously though, cuz it’s like…videoshopped…
0:13: You’re like a DJ when you do that wicky-wicky thing with your hand. I don’t hate it, but…don’t do it again.
0:19 You are wearing extremely large fake glasses whyyyyyyy?
0:30 WAY TO BE ASSERTIVE, YOU GO T-SWIFT!
0:45: WHAT THE HELL DANCING ANIMALS? Extremely enthusiastic dancing animals…also are you planning on changing out of your jammies? You gotta be strong, girl, you gotta get out of bed and stop doing LSD. Breakups are hard, eat a McFlurry.
1:30: I like your phone. It kinda matches the wallpaper, and matching is good. Unless you match several different shades of green in a “trendy” outfit, at which point you should just go join the army. So don’t do that, but YOU HANG UP THAT PHONE GIRLFRIEND!
1:38: Soulful animal playing the harpsicord. I like it.
1:48: Your cardboard car will fall apart if it rains. Just like your relationship with that jerk. Who looks like a ding dong if I do say so…
1:50: The monkey in the middle is creepy and…
1:55: OH GOD he’s so excited. Make him stop. He’s like an ugly muppet stop stop stop.
2:10: He had a scarf on in the springtime. That is reason numero uno that you should dump his sad booty.
2:17: What’d you see behind him? A lot of lusty girls trying to get his attention? IS HE A CHEATER? He’s so mean.
2:30: I have now been invited into a party by a dancing bear and an excited girl wearing a billowy shirt. Never thought I’d say that.
2:40: Ok you look super cute wearing your little ’50s homemaker dress. Seriously stop it’s so cute. Seriously. So cute. Seriously. Ok sorry.
3:15: Aw you winked at me! That was nice of you. I’m glad you’re happy now that you dumped his scarf-wearing ass. You deserve a McFlurry!
Ok so that was me watching a music video like a small child on YouTube and I didn’t edit this and now I shall post it. Keep in mind that I’m a jerk about things. K Thanks Bye!
PS The amount of times I had to watch this video to write this was kind of excruciating, so you’d better appreciate my efforts.