Welcome!


There’s a thong hanging on a tree outside my dorm room.

The other night we had a welcoming convocation and I’m pretty sure a goat was sacrificed…

One of my professors clears his throat after every other word.

We had a Princess Diaries movie night the other night. It was kinda awesome. And it paralleled my life pretty closely…

I’ve eaten an insane amount of cookies. This place ALWAYS has cookies.

I’m forming calves of steel since my dorm is on a freaking mountain. It’s like San Francisco here.

I saw a white man wearing authentic Japanese garb in the library last night.

I saw (and heard) another man learning some Asian language on the computer with headphones at the library. It went like this: silence, silence, silence, HINGHANGYONG silence silence…YAAAAAAAAAAAANG.
Also, that’s not what I think all Asian languages sound like, but seriously…that’s what he said.

The girl next to me in astronomy this morning spelled it “astronomey.” A guy was combing his hair in that class, and someone near me smelled a little of stale potato chips.

Apparently guys think the best way to get you to hang out with them at night is by yelling their room number out their window as you walk past.

One of the guys in my Shakespeare class has his nose pierced, and it looks surprisingly good.

My roommate has informed me that I talk in my sleep. And I’m slightly profane…

I’ve also learned that I’m completely insane compared to 90% of people on campus.

I will never escape the campus Christian fellowship.

Someone was wearing fangs the other day.

This place is really freaking muggy. I swear to God my hair will never dry.

RA Wyatt is STOKED! And he has a soul patch.

One of my friends has a professor with a last name quite similar to Farafart.

One of the girls I sat next to at dinner last night was wearing mom jeans and laughed really loudly at everything I said. But really, who can blame her? I’m awesome. And so was she.

I learned in linguistics that bumblebees do a dance to tell each other where the nectar is. I told my boyfriend and he said he learned that in elementary school.

The bathrooms here have stuff like “Do lesbian relationships ever really last?” written on the stalls. And one featured Fleetwood Mac lyrics.

I think I’m gonna like it here.

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Movie Stars and Have You Ever?


Sigh.

I want to live in an old movie.

I’ve watched black and white movies for as long as I can remember. My childhood consisted of regular kids programs like Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street, but it was filled mainly by movies from the 30s and 40s (like Arsenic and Old Lace, The Thin Man, The Scarlet Pimpernel, and Marx Brothers movies).

I want that life.

People were so classy back then. I understand that women didn’t have many rights, people were pretty racist, and wars were taking over the world, but there was SO MUCH CLASS.
Now it’s all, have you ever done crack? Only once? Whoa, I do it at least once a day.

I always sucked at the game “Have You Ever” when we used to play it, because I’d never done any of the things people thought were important…
Q: Have you ever had sex in public?
A: WHAT? Bloody hell…and also NO.
Q: Have you ever made out with two people at once?
A: What do you think my life’s like? An episode of Jersey Shore?
Q: Have you ever eaten —
A: Whatever it is, no. No no no, let’s just say I don’t eat.
Q: Have you ever done crack?
A: I don’t even know where I’d get it, much less how to do it.

My game would’ve gone more like:
Q: Have you ever eaten a macaroni-orange colored crayon?
A: Erm. Yes. I thought they were really macaroni when I was little.
Q: Have you ever actually read a book?
A:
Why yes! Multiple, in fact. And I enjoyed them.
Q: Have you actually liked someone for reasons other than wanting to rip all their clothes off in a ladies restroom?
A:
Yes…Ah, well, I guess I’m just doomed to grow old and have cats. Or be in an old movie :)

People back then got famous for being good at things (like acting). Now you just have to say something really stupid or show up naked on the internet. And to that, I say: class it up, society. Put your panties back on.

Seduction So Dangerous


I was flipping through the channels the other day at lunch and came across an ad for Degrassi: The Boiling Point.  Many of you probably know of Degrassi (apparently it was popular in the early 90’s) or, if you’re older than that, The Kids of Degrassi Street which aired in the 80’s. Stay with me here, because there has also been a long running series called Degrassi: The Next Generation, which has been running since the early 2000’s. These shows are all apparently related, each subsequent series following a new generation of Canadians in the fictional world of Degrassi Middle School/High School, etc.

I have no clue why this show is still on the air.

The Next Generation, with a name uncomfortably close to that of the good Star Treks, addressed the teenage issues of homosexuality, eating disorders, dating violence, teen pregnancy, and mental disorders, along with a host of other problems. But it seems so unrealistic to pile it all into one television show, especially since so many of the conflicts occurred in the same episodes. The characters lived through some of the most traumatic ordeals I’ve ever come across, whether they be on television, in books or in real life. The point is, it seems as if the writers of this show have gone through just about every problem a child could face in their entire lifetime, not just in the 4 year span of high school. It’s become an extreme exaggeration of real life, and it’s getting pretty heavy.

The show has recycled the same themes for the past 8 or so years, and it’s time it finally ended. Especially since none of the old characters are still on the show and all the new ones creep me out. And look 12. And still make out and send each other dirty photos. I don’t remember doing that at that age…

The trailer for this new 8 episode series, Degrassi: The Boiling Point, shows exactly how weird it’s gotten when the announcer

Learn from this, Degrassi. But you might want to switch out your cast of small children first.

describes the show as containing “seduction so dangerous” that…well, apparently someone might be shot, there will be a war between the gays and straights of the school, or the chick who got pregnant by the ADD-riddled boy (who is apparently popular but looks tremendously awkward) might have a total meltdown. While these issues could be serious in real life, I am totally unsympathetic toward the characters. And I think a lot of it has to do with the “seduction so dangerous” line. It creeped me out.

When is seduction ever that dangerous? my friend asked.

When it runs around wielding a knife.