Webs


Three spiders have made their homes outside my apartment windows. Sometimes, I watch them spin their webs in the dark, orange streetlights barely illuminating the fibers. Usually they’re sheltered from the rainy Oregon weather but every so often, when it rains sideways, huge holes appear in the meticulously symmetrical designs. I’m always so amazed at the spiders’ diligence. They never stop. They’re never deterred. I’m assuming they’re never discouraged, though I don’t have much understanding of spider brains and emotions.

I’m proud of them. I’m inspired by them. They’re my little friends, my little roommates, and I root for them every night while I fall asleep. I hope they know how much I care about them. I hope they know how much they matter to me.

I hope they feel me, silently cheering them on in solidarity, because if they can rebuild, so can I.

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I Have Learned More


Happy New Year, muffins! I wish we could’ve all been classy together and that we could’ve kissed at midnight! Instead, I hope you all had fun ringing out the old and ringing in the new! I gave Chloe two pretentious cheek kisses at midnight, and I’d say that sufficed this year. She is my ladylove, after all.

In my tradition, I shall now tell you what I have learned this year:

1. Relationships end. I don’t know how I didn’t know that before, but I think I had this thought that everything stays the same throughout life. But no. This year I ended a lot of relationships, including a romantic one, that I thought would last forever. But I’ve changed, and so have others, and I’ve seen/experienced things that have changed my life forever. Also, people are jerks and aren’t always who you think they are. So that’s a happy thought.

2. I am strong. I have risen from the blackest moments of life and continued on, somehow remaining optimistic about what the future holds. I have felt the deepest despair one can feel and have risen from the ashes like a phoenix (to put it dramatically) (also, reading that back, I can’t stop laughing…imagining my head on a bird’s body…) and HEY HERE I AM! writing detailed instructions on how to lurk in corners….So I guess I’ve healed more than I thought.

3. On a lighter note, do not, ever, under any circumstances, try to make whipped cream in a blender. You’ll get curds and whey, and Little Miss Muffet may be very pleased, but you definitely won’t.

4. Don’t make eye contact with people on public transportation. They will either try to fight you, try to start a weird romantic relationship with you, or ask you if you have cats. Answer: Let’s fight, date, and have cats together.

5. I talk in my sleep. I say very angry, belligerent things in my sleep. I am terrifying in my sleep. I giggle creepily in my sleep. …Sorry.

6. Journalism is stressful, makes me want to pull my head off, and psychology is a better major for me. So cheers to me not having a heart attack at age 30.

7. I’m a classy lady! Last night, I saw Silver Lining’s Playbook (so good), ate salmon (also good), and went to the symphony (so. good.) before heading to a lovely little party where we played board games and snuggled on couches. There were party poppers involved. Classy.

8. I’m hilarious. Quotes from last night that don’t make sense but that will (maybe?) make you giggle:
“Let’s get schmammered at the symphony!” (We didn’t, because that would be stupid and also I am not a loser.)
(Someone else singing): “Mares eat oats and does eat oats, and little lambs eat ivy.” (Me): “What’s lamsy divey? That’s fun.”
Last, but not least: “You go Jean Valjean! Four for you Jean Valjean!”
Classy.

I’ll end on that note and wish you all the best in 2013. Hope you’re all healthy and happy and have nice haircuts.

I love you. PS I ate bacon this morning. Classy.

It Hath Snowed!


It’s snowing. Which was awesome two months ago, but then the sun came out and I was so over the snow. Then I got totally pranked.

Before I transferred here, I was at a college where the closest you ever got to snow was nasty sleet. I missed this fluffy white stuff practically as much as I missed my mommy (which was a lot). Oh, how romantic the snow is; it makes everything a little quieter, and who doesn’t want to kiss some tall, dark, and handsome in the snow? Well, not me! Kissing tall dark and handsomes in the snow is probably impossible here since the snow would just fly in your eye or a tree would dump hunks of snow down your back. And when you’re rushing to class, trying not to fall on your butt, snow gets pretty inconvenient.

It will not stop. That doesn’t mean I don’t like it – I grew up with feet of snow falling every winter – but it’s mid-March. And by mid-March there should be dry streets.

The campus is now crawling with snow coats. That’s what we’ve become: just snow coats rushing around. You can’t see faces, just little piles of the thickest clothes possible wandering about from class to class. Except, I suppose, nobody’s wandering. We’re sprinting (if you can even call it that, since we’re more waddling like gimpy, constipated, ducks).

And then there are the girls who have their cute little snow boots with the fur on the top and look like sexy little snow bunnies hopping around in the snow. It’s a little difficult to compete with that when all I care about is not getting punched in the eye by a snowflake. I’m always rushing around campus, looking all haggard, breathing heavily and grimacing. I’ll bet Julie Newmar never looked haggard in the snow. But I am, obviously, no Cat Woman.

By tomorrow it’ll probably be melting, which would be nice, except…it won’t be. It’ll get all squishy and slushy and horrible. The trees will start snowball (slush blob?) fights with pedestrians. Anyone who has ever gotten a glob of snow down the back of their coat knows how shocking and unpleasant the experience is: the snow hits and suddenly you’re wriggling around like a worm on ecstacy at a dance party.

Basically, snow is not a good look for me.