Why I’m Destined to be Tina Fey


People tell me I remind them a lot of Liz Lemon (for those of you who don't know, that's Tina Fey's character on 30 Rock). While I pretend to be offended that people compare me to a single, middle-aged woman who eats her feelings, I'm not...I'm not offended at all. In fact, it's pretty much... Continue Reading →

What’s a Heezy, Anyway?


I have been awarded the Versatile Blogger Award by the very attractive (I assume) blogger over at Merry Musings and now am absolutely required by law to post random facts about myself etc etc. But hey, I've never been one to talk about myself (I know, I can practically hear you scoffing through the internet right now),... Continue Reading →

When I Rule the World


1. Everyone will have a British accent, because it's so much easier to sound clever that way. 2. Saint Cappy's day will be a universal holiday. No big deal. 3. No one will ask me if I feel like a plastic bag. Because I do. Sometimes I have to swallow a rock just so I... Continue Reading →

I Miss You, What Are You Wearing?


When you think you're playing it cool but you're really just being a stalker. We've all done it. I (in all my magnificence and glory) have done it. You've done it. He, she, it does it. I bet James Bond did it once. You know what I mean: you like someone who you barely know, but... Continue Reading →

Movie Stars and Have You Ever?


I want to live in an old movie. I've watched black and white movies for as long as I can remember. My childhood consisted of regular kids programs like Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street, but it was filled mainly by movies from the 30s and 40s (like Arsenic and Old Lace, The Thin Man, The... Continue Reading →

Society Told Me Not To


Society: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Me: Shove it! Society has told me (yep, it speaks) that I shouldn't do these things in public: 1. Don't dance down the skywalk. People can see you. It is weird to drive down the street, look up for a moment, and see someone gettin' jiggy with it... Continue Reading →

Life is Nothing Without Jazz Hands


Jazz hands are never inappropriate. Ever. Except when a woman is giving birth and the doctor, instead of getting the baby, jumps up and starts shouting hallelujah and using jazz hands. Or when you're breaking up with someone and you all of a sudden start tap dancing and singing about how much you hate them and... Continue Reading →

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